False Love

She’s finally found that one guy that she really likes
Turns out, it won’t work out
She somehow finds a way to get herself into trouble
“I will hate you forever !” she screams in her mother’s weary face
She storms up to her room, slams her door
She just can’t take it anymore
New scars have been created, and she doesn’t care
She can’t stand the thought of losing her friends
At least she has her razorblade to comfort her in her sickness
Again, she blasts her music, and she doesn’t care who can hear it; let them
She tires to not eat, but that fails
She sits in her childish room, wondering of her existence in this fucked up world
Hopes that the world shall soon end
She silently screams
Thinking of tomorrow and all the future ahead
She can’t stop thinking of her one love
He doesn’t see it, at all
She tries to hide the fear and hatred
She wears her bright make-up, knowing that dark make-up will replace it later
She weeps silently while her hating mother and brother laugh away at silly nonsense
She reads her book to herself
Suddenly, she bursts into tears because she just wants to die
She does not care anymore
Here she goes again
She sheds more blood just for her own sick pleasure
She’ll make up a fake story for the reason that the cuts are there
At least she’ll try
She doesn’t know what else to do but write her sorrows into her binder of secrets
She’s cut off from all signs of friendship, and no one even cares
At least she believes so
For the last time, she places the razor to her beautiful porcelain skin
That was the last time she would ever do it
No one’s there, but her last words being :
“At last, I am free”
She lies there, how beautiful she looks

April 2005