I'm Sorry

For all the fucked up shit I’ve done
For all the lies, and all the fights
For all those nights we fell asleep angry
For all the money I’ve spent
For all the hangups, and all the ignored calls
For all those times that I was late for anything
For all the cursing, and all of the swearing
For all the deceit, and all the disappointment

I wanted to let you know,
Just before I let you go,
I’ve been wanting to tell you,
I’ve been waiting to say,
I’ll always be your number one fan

I know this is stupid,
I know this sounds dumb,
But when I’m with you,
Everything goes numb.
From my head to my toes,
From here to the moon,
I can promise you this,
I’ll be seeing you soon.

So here I am,
Standing up to your face,
Just letting you know,
You’re my amazing grace.

For all the mental abuse
For all the sleepless nights
For all the disagreements
For all the badgering
For all the hurt, and all the pain
For all the insanity between us
For all back talk
For all the hitting

I wanted to let you know,
Just before I let you go,
I’ve been wanting to tell you,
I’ve been waiting to say
I’m sorry

October 2009

Drop Fucking Dead

Here we go
Here we go
AGAIN

Failure, failure
Screamitlouder
FAILURE

Glad you’re satisfied with yourself
Doesn’t look like you’re got it
AT ALL

Watch her fall
Watch her die
It’s hilarious

Keep laughing
Keep fucking laughing
Keep lying
Keep fucking lying
Ithelps, ithelps

Fakefakefake
Real fucking cool

Tell all your friends,
It’s the new scene

You’re just using empty words and promises,
Just stop now

You get what you deserve
Spill your guts darling
Let your heart break for me

Go ahead
GO RIGHT AHEAD
Break her

Pack your bags
You’re done
You’re gone, sweetie

You’re wasting your time
DROP FUCKING DEAD

November 2006

Finally Free

Once again, she’s lost within herself
And again, she doesn’t know what the fuck to do
People say to go die, should she take their suggestion?
She thinks she should, but then again, she doesn’t know what to do
She blasts her beautiful music to block out the pain and torture her ears consume every single fucking day
She just doesn’t understand why people care so much
She’s on the floor crying hysterically
She’s falling lower and lower as her fairly short life goes on
Why is she even here?
Can anyone answer that?
She’s out of control at this point and no one, no one gets it
Is there anyone out there that can heal and mend all the pain and hurt that she’s gone through for the past fourteen fucking years of her life?
How long until she’ll be okay?
Will she ever be?
So many questions, and she gets no answers whatsoever
Will she ever?
Well, she loves him
But there’s no possible way to would ever work out
She also loves another
Everyone tells her that he really doesn’t feel the same about her as she does him
But she’s heard differently and she’s confused with love by now
She’ll have to get over it somehow, anyway, even if it kills her
It kills her to not be so free and careless like a normal person is
She’s so overwhelmed with hatred and confusion
She aches with pain
She can’t take the pain and torment for much longer
Maybe she’ll be loved one day
“Don’t expect anything to come” she whispers silently into this empty place of torture
She fakes a smile everyday
Will someone help her get out of this hell?
All she’s going is going in circles and she just can’t stop it
She goes through the days, trying to stop from going insane
She just doesn’t feel pretty anymore and she doesn’t know why
She just wants to give up and just leave this ugly, dark place where no one understands
She feels as if she must give up sooner rather than later at this point
It’s just too late for her
She’s can’t take it anymore
Her feelings turned out to be true
Wow, that’s a first
No one can help her anymore
She’s done with this shit, she just can’t take it
She finds her beautiful sharp razor
She starts to shed tears as she places the sharp object up to her beautiful scarred wrist
She’s so angry with herself that she starts to cut deeper and deeper, harder and harder
She bleeds and bleeds until there’s nothing left to pour out
She’s immediately happy and satisfied with herself
And with one last gasping breath, her sentence is sounded
“I am now. .free. .at. . .las. .”
She couldn’t even finish this
But how beautiful does she look?
How beautiful she looks in a puddle of her own fucking blood
Staining the new wood finish that was just redone this past April
As she lies there, she is finally free

October 2005

End of the Line

Why does she even try?
As you can see, again she’s in torture
Yet another guy has ditched her, and he doesn’t care
She really thought that they had something
She guesses that she was wrong, again
What else is new?
She can’t stand the hate anymore
“What’s wrong with me ?!” she asks herself
The answer? Everything
She can’t do anything right
She writes a love poem to her love
He loves it, but just minutes later, reveals to her to truth : it’s over
That’s right, her life, it’s over
She should just stop trying and just drop dead
It doesn’t matter, no one will notice, no one will care
He just has no idea what the hell he’s done
It’s just not fair, and no one cares, no one sees it
Their words don’t help her sadness
She gently walks to her room, shuts the door, and locks it
Welcome to her death chamber
She looks at herself in the mirror, she can’t help herself
She smashes it into a thousand pieces
The mirror represents her shattered heart
She picks up the sharpest shard that she can find
Pulls it up to her tiny wrist
End of the line
This is the end

May 2005

False Love

She’s finally found that one guy that she really likes
Turns out, it won’t work out
She somehow finds a way to get herself into trouble
“I will hate you forever !” she screams in her mother’s weary face
She storms up to her room, slams her door
She just can’t take it anymore
New scars have been created, and she doesn’t care
She can’t stand the thought of losing her friends
At least she has her razorblade to comfort her in her sickness
Again, she blasts her music, and she doesn’t care who can hear it; let them
She tires to not eat, but that fails
She sits in her childish room, wondering of her existence in this fucked up world
Hopes that the world shall soon end
She silently screams
Thinking of tomorrow and all the future ahead
She can’t stop thinking of her one love
He doesn’t see it, at all
She tries to hide the fear and hatred
She wears her bright make-up, knowing that dark make-up will replace it later
She weeps silently while her hating mother and brother laugh away at silly nonsense
She reads her book to herself
Suddenly, she bursts into tears because she just wants to die
She does not care anymore
Here she goes again
She sheds more blood just for her own sick pleasure
She’ll make up a fake story for the reason that the cuts are there
At least she’ll try
She doesn’t know what else to do but write her sorrows into her binder of secrets
She’s cut off from all signs of friendship, and no one even cares
At least she believes so
For the last time, she places the razor to her beautiful porcelain skin
That was the last time she would ever do it
No one’s there, but her last words being :
“At last, I am free”
She lies there, how beautiful she looks

April 2005

Rainy Morning

One cold, rainy morning
She wakes up to an argument
She doesn’t know what she’s gotten herself into
She’ll never be the same, ever
She runs to the one place that holds all of her deep, dark secrets
She blasts music, while she writes her anger into a simple piece of paper
The pages fill with sorrow
She sits there, in the dark, thinking
The very thought of living, it frightens her
She’s too afraid to look it the mirror, mirrors lie to her
Her life, she just can’t stand it, she wants to be free
Her heart already being broken before,
it breaks even more and more as each second passes
She somehow finds a way to mend the hurt and disappointment
But that doesn’t help
Should she just stop trying?
She drowns herself in her tears, wondering what the hell is wrong with her
She looks around, and sees nothing, just black, a black void of nothingness
She glances at her mere wrists,
And she can’t stop the one thought of blood running down her arm
But she holds back, she has too many scars already
Out of nowhere, she breaks down crying, for no reason at all
She’s lost in her own mind
It’s always too late for her input
She’s can’t run away anymore, she’s weighed down by her fears, sorrows, angers
She may look okay on the outside, but inside, she’s dying within herself
“Alone rhymes with death” is her own quote of life
And now, she’s fading too fast

April 2005

I Wanna Be The One

I wanna be the one that you come home to

I wanna be the one that you can call boo

I wanna be the one you lay down with at night

I wanna be the one to turn on the light

And see what an amazing person you are

No matter what anyone says, you’re always my shooting star

I wanna be the one who you kiss everyday

I wanna be the one who you you tickle and play

I wanna be the one that you bring to shows

I wanna be the one that everyone knows

The one that makes you happy when skies are grey

The one that is the sunshine that brightens your days

I wanna be the one that you sing sweet melodies to

I wanna be the one who buys you awesome shoes

I wanna be the one who makes stupid mistakes

I wanna be the one who you will always take

Back even though we fight way too much

Back knowing that we’ll just cuddle and such

I wanna be the one who holds your hand

I wanna be the number one fan of your band

I wanna be the one that you forever choose

I wanna be the one you can’t stand to lose

Knowing that everything will turn out fine

Knowing that I will never again cross that line

I wanna be the one who looks into your eyes

I wanna be the one who holds you when you cry

I wanna be the one who will always be there

I wanna be the one that you can always share

Stupid stories and times that we had together

Drunken nights and peaceful evenings I will always remember

I wanna be the one who makes you your best

I wanna be the one who stands out from the rest

I wanna be the one who you always run to

I wanna be the one who you put your trust into

I know I’m not perfect, and neither are you

But let’s face it, we’re humans, it’s just what we do

I wanna be the one who puts a smile on your face

I wanna be the one who can keep up with the pace

I wanna be the one who you cuddle with in the morning

I wanna be the one who makes your heart go soaring

Whenever you see me walk towards you

Whenever you hear me, whatever I do

I wanna be the one in your passenger seat

I wanna be the one who sings your beats

I wanna be the one who walks by your side

I wanna be Bonnie and you can be Clyde

Partners in crime, two peas in a pod

Believe me, I know, this is kind of odd

But I just wanted to tell you, I just wanted you to know

You make me the happiest, and I really hope it shows

Too much of a good thing isn’t always right

But I can’t stand when you’re out of my sight

I know this is stupid, and you’ll throw this away

But please darling, just let me say

That I never want to be without you

I never want to be alone

I never want to ignore you

When I hear you calling my phone

And finally I’ll say,

Without dragging this along

I hope you read this

I hope you sing this song

Running through your mind

And running through your senses

Knocking everything down

Everything we built up with fences

I wanna be the one who stands by your side

I wanna be the one who can never hide

From your amazing personality and your amazing smile

Believe me when I say this, I would like to stay awhile

I wanna be the one

I wanna be the one

I wanna be the one

I wanna be your one

October 2009